FAQ

One of the most important pieces of advice that we give to parents is to recognize that no matter how small your child's pet was, how children experience grief may be shown in many different ways. Your child views their pet as their best friend and companion.

As adults, it can be difficult for us to relate to this type of relationship with a hermit crab or pet fish, but having empathy towards your child and their feelings of loss are very important. Their feelings needs to be validated.

Emotions are not wrong. It is damaging to a child when told or made to feel their feelings and emotions are wrong or inappropriate, because of the "size" of their pet. This can cause emotional damage and may lead to the inability to properly express themselves emotionally as adults.

The loss of a pet is usually a child's first experience with death. Children will express their grief differently than adults, and each child copes differently. Talk with each child individually based on their emotional ability to understand what is happening. With younger children, expect that their grief will come in waves, and vary in intensity.

Look for signs of grief: Children may not know how to properly express their grief. Look for signs such as not being their normal selves, a lack of interest in things they used to enjoy, or a sudden disinterest in school or other obligations. Do not punish them — recognize these behaviors as grief, not misbehavior.

What you can do:

• Don't rush to say "stop crying" — let them be sad for a while
• Put down your phone, get down to their level, and really listen
• Crying is not weakness — especially for boys. Tell them "it's okay to cry"
• Draw a picture, write a letter, make something with clay — let them say goodbye in their own way
• Plant a flower, place a small stone in the backyard — give them a place to "visit"
• Flushing a fish down the toilet teaches children "this is how we handle life" — that's not the lesson we want to teach

Every child is unique and their way of coping will be different. Be patient. It can take weeks or even months for their sad emotions to pass.